A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
A romantic relationship is like a dance, and we were born with the capacity to dance together. On the dance floor of life, we have a powerful desire for a romantic relationship that is free of mistrust, disharmony, and unspoken words.
It is true, that for some couples, their parents or caretakers did not model to them the attributes of a valued romantic relationship. Thus, their experiences with a romantic relationship make the dance steps a struggle.
It is also true; that the violations of trust through betrayal have powerful effects on a romantic relationship. That is, they can leave a legacy of morbid preoccupation, damaged self-esteem, self-doubting, grievance, and rage.
With this in mind, I have come to consider it is highly possible the style of a romantic relationship these couples have adopted is limited because their sense of well-being in a romantic relationship is based on having their ego needs to be met. They are not establishing an independent, inner relationship to soul freedom and the soulful love energy that is associated with their spiritual experience and the conscious realization of their authentic ‘Self.’ The question remains:
What are some of the contributing factors that have caused the most damage in a romantic relationship?
Well, from my 30 years working in the field of relationship coaching and life coaching, I have noticed two main factors that have caused the most damage in a romantic relationship:
One. Belief System – A belief system that defines perceived limitations about love in a romantic relationship. This belief system has a significant impact on couples’ self-esteem, self-confidence, self-actualization, and how they perceive love in a romantic relationship.
This belief system formed the grammar from which they built their language of love, a love that is mystified. A love that does not support the unconditional sharing of souls, daily soulful nourishment, romance, attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, allowing, and growth.
Why? Because it is a counterfeit form of love where fear, alienation, loneliness, despair, toxic shame, boundaries crossed, trauma bonding and all of the feelings of fragmentation and scarcity exist.
Two. Protective ‘Trances’ – As individuals grow up, they learn to block their natural response to soulful love because they have often been hurt in the name of love. They have been lied to, controlled, betrayed, and sometimes abused.
Windsor Lindor, ELC
Leading you to create new paths for an enduring and alive romantic relationship.
They remain faithful to their wounds and as a result, they create a false self. Over time they have developed a layer of protection. They feel guarded, vigilant and are afraid to let their defenses down.
This may show up as a fear of becoming too intimate or a fear of losing their freedom. It also may manifest as they become clingy, suspicious, and jealous, or live in fear of co-commitment. Out of mistrust, they damage their romantic relationship with old protective behaviors such as blaming, attacking, demanding, withdrawing, shutting down, and dishonesty. They become trapped in hypnotic states, which are called trances.
These trances create havoc in a romantic relationship, deepening feelings of misunderstanding, rejection, isolation, and further mistrust. Now, if you want to end the conflict in your intimate relationship and most importantly if you want to have a successful romantic relationship, I ask:
How would you know if you have been "entranced" by dramatic experiences of a counterfeit version of romantic love?
When would you and your partner grow creatively as independent individuals and, at the same time, grow closer together in intimacy?
What will it take for you to eliminate the diversions that are keeping you away from cultivating a healthy romantic relationship?
What I hope you grasp from this article and the last three questions are that you can choose to embark on a journey of co-commitment, and into the pasture of possibility that will lead you back to what you really want in your romantic relationship.
A relationship that also binds greater love, intimacy, full creative expression, trust, and fulfillment into one powerful force. This is what you want in your romantic relationship.
Correct?